Separation Anxiety
by BlackRoseButterflies
Summary: The Hitachiin parents are out and Hikaru is on a date with Haruhi. Kaoru is left home alone with his thoughts. Warning: deals with suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or it great characters. (Hey, look, I remembered it this time!)

A/N: That moment when you're lying in your bed and you suddenly get inspired to write a random thing that really has nothing to do with anything you're currently writing, but it sounds like it'd be so good and you can't go to sleep until you write it down. That just happened. So here I am typing this.

All I have to say is that as I was lying there thinking of this, just the thought made me really sad and I started to tear up. (Keep in mind that I cry super easily though.) Sure it's kinda out of character, but... Whatever... Still...

I really have nothing more to warn you about really. So don't worry about that. Also, I have never dealt with this sort of thing, so… Yeah… (I am CERTAILY not complaining in the slightest, though!)

Their parents were gone out for who knows what. Hikaru was on a date with his girlfriend, Haruhi. Kaoru was left home alone to ponder his thoughts.

Hikaru and Haruhi were walking around the park area when suddenly Hikaru's phone rang. This kinda irritated him, because he hated it when people interrupted his alone time with Haruhi. Annoyingly he picked up his phone and looked at who was calling. It was Kaoru. This made him a little more at ease, but he was still a little angry. He flipped it open and answered with a sigh," What do you want, Kaoru...?"

There wasn't a reply. Just some heavy breathing.

"K-Kaoru...? Is everything all right?"

... _"Hikaru..."_ The voice was barely audible from the other side.

Haruhi stepped forward and worriedly asked," Is something wrong, Hikaru?"

He held the phone away so he could say to her," I'm not sure, yet..." To his ear again," Kaoru, what's going on? Are you okay, are you hurt?"

The boy on the other end barely managed,_" Hikaru, I... I don't think I can... I can't do this any longer..." _It was now obvious that the other was crying hard.

"What do you mean... Do what any longer?"

_"You... And Haruhi... I can't stand... To just sit back and watch you anymore..."_

"What...?"

_"I... I'm happy for... The both of you... But... Ever since you two got together, I've been... Alone... I feel like... No one cares anymore..."_

"But that's not true! You should know that's not true!"

_"I'd love to believe that, but... Even when you are with me... It seems like your mind is always on Haruhi..." _There was a long pause. Hikaru didn't know what to say, mostly because what Kaoru was saying was true this time. Kaoru continued,_" I love you both, Hikaru... Both you and Haruhi... So to see you together... It makes me feel both happy but very lonely..."_

He was stunned. He stared off into the distance as he listened to what his twin was saying. Haruhi said something, but he didn't hear it.

_"As much as I'd like to say good-bye and hang up right now..." _Kaoru said,_" But I figured you'd want to stay on the line... So I don't think I'll be able to say good-bye at the proper time... So I'll say it now... Good-bye, Hikaru... I love you..."_

With the realization of exactly what was going on, Hikaru's eyes widened as he looked for the quickest way to get to his house. He kept the phone to his ear so he could hear anything that were to happen. As he waved for a taxi and he and Haruhi got in, there was multiple clicking sound on the other end. "Kaoru, what are you doing?" He exclaimed," You can't actually be thinking of-" _BANG! _The loud noise of a gunshot echoed through his ears. It was so loud everyone in the car heard it.

"Oh my god!" Haruhi exclaimed and covered her mouth in shock. The driver panicked and started to lose control, but he soon got it together, again...

"K-K-koaru...? A-Are you there...?" Hikaru's voice wavered as there was no answer. "Kaoru, please, say something! You're really starting to scare me!"

_BANG!_ There was that sound again. _"Why...?" The younger's voice said," Why aren't they working?" BANG! BANG! BANG! "No! This can't be! They're all blanks! Who's the asshole who only put in blanks?!" CRASH! _There was a sound of metal breaking through glass.

"Kaoru, just stop! We'll be there soon, hold on! Don't do anything rash, okay?"

_"Dammit, where does dad keep his rope...? I don't exactly want to do this, Hikaru, but.. I feel I have to...! Aah! There it is." _It was disturbing how happy his voice sounded. There was a sound of a door opening and someone running away.

Hikaru held the phone away and said," Driver, PLEASE go over the speed limit. This is life or death situation. I will pay you twice as much." The driver nodded and stepped on the gas as they spend off to the Hitachiin mansion.

As they pulled up to the front of the house, Hikaru got out, stopped to look and the broken window and the gun laying in a pile of glass, then ran inside, leaving Haruhi to tell the cab driver to just wait while they looked for Kaoru. Inside, Hikaru ended the call, only to ring him back, hoping the cell phone was still nearby his brother and that he wasn't too late.

He ran up the stairs and entered the room that the sound came from. No one was there. On the third room he tried he found it was locked. Kaoru had to be in there.

"Kaoru, open up!" He shouted, banging on the door. "You don't have to do this, Kaoru, we can work things out! Just open up the door and talk to me!"

Haruhi came running up, out of breath," Is... Is he in there?"

Hikaru nodded. He stepped back," You keep trying here. There's a way in from my room next door." He went to his door and threw it open. He dove under his desk and pulled open the hidden door in the wall.

After crawling all the way through, he was in Kaoru's room. But what he saw almost made him fall to his knees. A chair lay on its side on the floor with a shadow cast over it and swung slightly. There was a quiet creaking sound that would most likely haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life.

"K-Kaoru!" He exclaimed, quickly hoisting up his poor brother onto his shoulders. But he just slumped over. "Kaoru? P-please, say something!" He reached up to untie the knot behind Kaoru's neck. Once it was loose enough, he slipped it off from around Kaoru's neck and then went to lay him down on the bed on his lap.

"Hikaru, what's going on, is Kaoru all right?" He heard Haruhi call from behind him, coming in from the little secret door. She gasped at the sight. "Oh my god. Is he breathing?" She went over and put two fingers to his neck. Immediately her face hardened as she slowly pulled away. She looked back up at Hikaru, both of their eyes brimming with tears.

Nothing could be done. Nothing could be said. Hikaru wrapped his arms tightly around his brother and cried into his shoulder. He could feel Haruhi put and arm around them both. She was crying almost as bad as he was.

He couldn't believe this was actually happening. How had he not of noticed that something was wrong any sooner? Hell, they were supposed to be twins, right? They used to know everything about each other and tell each other everything! When did that change? WHY did that change? And what kind of older brother didn't notice that something was wrong?

"I'm sorry." Hikaru apologized, though he knew the one it was meant for would not hear it. "I'm so so sorry, Kaoru."

"Hikaru…" Haruhi muttered, "It's not your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"No… It is my fault…" This was completely all his fault. He should have been able to do something. He should have been able to stop this and convince Kaoru that what he thought was wrong and that… That he didn't have to do this. But maybe this was Hikaru's punishment… His punishment from being such a terrible older brother.

But it was too late for those kinds of thoughts. No matter what, nothing could bring Kaoru back. He was gone, and they both knew it. And now and forever more, that is all Hikaru would wish for. All he could ever want now was to hear his brother's voice again.

A/N: Yeah, that's all... It probably sucks, doesn't it... But oh well... I'm going to re-write most of it and post it as a second chapter... Don't know exactly how, yet, though...

I… Hope this was at least able to make you sad…

Anyway... Tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh wow… I sat and typed this all in one sitting… I've never done that before… Hmmmm… **

**I hope this isn't actually as bad as I think it is. I'll leave you guys to decide that. **

**Some things are probably a lot like the other, but there is a reason behind that. While typing this, I got an idea to make this not just a one-shot and a re-writing of a one-shot… But I'll let you all decide if I should do it or not, though I don't think I can tell you exactly what the idea is… Sorry. **

**Anyway, here's this… **

**Separation Anxiety**

Their parents were gone for who knows what with no known time of being home. Hikaru was out on a date with his girlfriend, Haruhi. This left Kaoru home all alone with nothing but his thoughts.

Kaoru sighed as he sat in front of the TV., trying to distract himself. For some reason, recently whenever he was left alone, his mind raced and thought about all the things he would rather not think about. And of course right now was one of those times. He once tried telling Hikaru about these thoughts, but Hikaru was busy and he wasn't able to listen. So Kaoru just decided it was better for him to keep it to himself. Because it would be bad to burden someone else with his troubles, right?

That's right… All he was was a burden to others. He was always following and clinging onto Hikaru. It MUST have been annoying.

And why was he always so jealous of Haruhi and Hikaru? That was annoying, too.

He was just an all-around annoying person. No wonder he was always left alone so often. Sp there was actually no one to blame but himself.

But maybe this was all just in his mind, messing with him. He had been trying to convince himself of this for a long time, but he knew he was just in denial.

Yeah, that was probably it.

After all, Hikaru and everybody were just too nice to tell him the truth.

He should just stop putting them through all that.

On the other side of town, the oblivious Hikaru and Haruhi were sitting in a nice dinner of her choice, chatting over their meal.

"This salmon is too bland." Hikaru grumbled as he chewed a piece of the seafood.

"Shut up and quit complaining." Haruhi said as she took a bite of her own food.

"I still think we should have just went to the other place. It was much nicer than this dump." He received a glare from the girl. "I-I mean… No, no, this place is nice, it's just-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it…" Haruhi sighed, taking an angry bite.

They sat and ate in silence for the longest time. Hikaru did try to start up another conversation, but they all failed, because Haruhi wasn't keeping up her end, since she was still irritated.

Finally, Hikaru decided to say, "You know… This is actually pretty good."

"Don't lie… I can tell you don't actually like it…" She stated the obvious.

But he continued, "No, really! It's actually really g-" At that moment he was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He sighed and went into his pocket to take it out. As he looked at the name that came up, he got really irritated. Of all people for it to be it was Kaoru. His younger brother of all people should know that he was on a date and when he was, he didn't like to be bothered. It took away his time with Haruhi.

However, Kaoru was his little brother so he decided to answer. "What do you want, Kaoru…" he said with a bit of annoyance entering his voice.

There wasn't any reply. Just some sniffles.

Hikaru's tone changed to worry. "Kaoru? What's wrong?"

_"… Hikaru…" _The voice was barely audible from the other end.

"Yes, Kaoru? What's going on, what's wrong?" He turned slightly in his seat. Haruhi was now also looking worried.

_"I'm… Sorry, Hikaru…" _

"Huh? What do you have to be sorry for?"

_"… Everything… I'm sorry…" _

Haruhi sat forward a little, "Is something wrong with Kaoru?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet." Hikaru replied.

_Kaoru's voice continued, still shaky "I've… Made you all go through so much…" _

Hikaru stood up to leave and go outside. Haruhi followed, placing some cash on the table. "What are you talking about, Kaoru?" Hikaru said once he was outside. "You're not making any sense." There wasn't a reply. He pulled the phone away a bit to talk to the girl. "I think we should go back to the mansion and check up on him." She nodded in understanding and called for a cab.

He turned back to the phone. "Listen, Kaoru. We'll be back at the house in a little bit, okay? You can explain everything then."

_"No, Hikaru, wait… I just…" _

"Just what, Kaoru…" He said as a cab pulled up and he and Haruhi got in.

_"I just… I can't… DO this any longer…" _

"Do what, exactly? Listen, if you're bugging me about a game or something like that, I will be so pissed, you got that…"

_"No… You know what I mean… I can't stand being lied to any longer..." _

"Kaoru, I really have no idea what you're talking about. You're going to have to explain so I can understand."

_"But you KNOW, Hikaru, you KNOW what I'm talking about. So just stop it already. I can see through your lies, all of your lies." _

By now Hikaru was so confused that he was speechless.

_"You see… You can't even deny it now and that's why you can't say anything..." _

"Can you at least tell me what you're accusing me of lying about before you jump to those conclusions, please…"

_"I know… You and everyone else… I'm just a burden on all of you and I realize that. I'm not good for anything and am just a waste of space… And I can't take living like this anymore… " _

This alarmed Hikaru deeply, "What are you talking about Kaoru? You're not… I don't think of you like that at all! I love you, you're my little brother!"

_"STOP LYING TO ME." _Hikaru was then silent. _"Just don't. I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm done. All I'm doing is giving myself what I deserve… " _There was an odd clicking sound on the other end. _"Good bye, Hikaru. I'm sorry." _

"Goodbye, Kao- wait, no, stop, what are you doing?!"

A loud bang erupted inside the vehicle. The driver panicked a bit and almost drove them onto the oncoming traffic.

"Wh-what was that?!" Haruhi exclaimed.

Hikaru ignored her question. "Koaru?! Please tell me that wasn't what I think it was." No reply. "Kaoru?! Y-you're okay, right?! Kaoru, PLEASE, answer me!" Still no reply. He looked up a bit. "Drive, please. I'm begging you to go faster, this is an emergency." He glanced over at Haruhi who as staring down at her hands in her lap with wide eyes.

For the rest of the ride, Hikaru continued to call out for his brother, but never was there a response and with each passing second, his heart beat faster and he got more and more worried.

Then finally they pulled into the long gated driveway of the Hitachiin mansion. Hikaru glanced up at the window to Kaoru's bedroom and noticed that the blinds were shut. "Haruhi, help me search the house, please." He asked as they two climbed out of the car. She nodded and they headed inside.

"KAORU!" They both called.

"Let's check up here." Hikaru said, running for the stairs.

The first placed he checked was Kaoru's bedroom. He could hear Haruhi calling for Kaoru from another room. The place was a mess. Things that were normally on his desk were scattered all over the room, all his blankets and pillows were on the floor by his bed, but no Kaoru. It was definitely unlike him to leave his room like this.

Next he checked his own room. Everything was in its place… Or at least how he left them. No he was really regretting that he suggested he and Kaoru get their own separate rooms.

Then he decides to check their shared bathroom. But of course, the door was locked.

"Kaoru?" He said as he knocked on the door. To no surprise, there was no reply. He quickly grabbed the key from above the door and put it into the lock. "I'm coming in."

Even through all of this, there was nothing that could prepare him for what he saw in there next.

"Oh god, KAORU!" He exclaimed as he went to his brother's side who was lying in the bath tub. He a pistol in one hand and his other over a bleeding wound in his side. Quickly, Hikaru also got in the oversized tub to hold his brother as he repeated his brother's name over and over.

He checked for a pulse. It was there but very slight.

"H….Hi...karu?" He heard the faint voice

"Y-yes, Kaoru, I'm right here!"

"Hikaru, I'm so cold…"

"Oh, here, then." He wrapped his arms tighter around his brother.

"Hikaru?"

"Yeah, Kaoru?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Kaoru?"

"That you have to… See me like this… I was hoping… That I would be gone… Byt the time you finished your date… With Haruhi…"

"Quit talking like that."

"But I… Also wanted to… Feel the pain before I died… So I shot myself here instead of the head…" He lifted his hand a bit and patted the bleeding wound.

"No, stop that. You need to put pressure on it. We're going to get through this, okay? I promise, you will be all right."

"Hah… Even pretending now… But I guess it's okay…"

"But Kaoru, I told you-"

"Stop… Just be quiet, please… " Hikaru nodded.

After a moment Kaoru mumbled, "I'm… Sorry… Hikaru… I… Love you…"

Hikaru held his brother even tighter than before as tears fell from his face. He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Haruhi come in. After a while she tried handing him something. A slip of paper?

With shaky hands he took the folded paper and opened it. Inside held five words. Just five simple words.

_**"I'm sorry for the mess."**_

**A/N: fcsaxajdxs Yeah, I think it's terrible, but whatever. It's something. Plus I promised that I would upload this a looong time ago, and I'm just now getting around to it and for that I apologize. **

**I hope this was at least somewhat enjoyable to read. **

**I would really appreciate any sort of comments you may have. **


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